One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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