I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
