Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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