Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
