You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
