But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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