she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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