well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
