My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
