so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
