um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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