I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
