so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
