You really coming over, don't trick.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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