peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
