how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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