who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
