your thong is hanging out like whoa
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
