it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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