Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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