So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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