the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
