i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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