This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
