She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last time i carry you out of a forest
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
