You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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