Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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