how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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