Got a toothbrush?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You smell like stripper and shame
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
