i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
