just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
