just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize