I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
