Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
