a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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