eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
