All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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