It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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