im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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