How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize