Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
