zippers are such a cool invention
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
