the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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