Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
someone owes me an orgasm
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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