I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
