It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
