dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
