Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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