Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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