my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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