Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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