how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
