The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
