My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
