idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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