dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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