that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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