how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
