just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
