if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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