Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
