He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
