yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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