Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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