If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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