You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
