I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
