Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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