I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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