he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
