Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
