"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
