You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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