You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
