we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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