i don't like sucking hair
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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